Ah, the joy of being single! It's a true magnet for unsolicited advice. Everyone suddenly becomes a love guru, showering you with vague words of wisdom. They assure you that love is just around the corner, even if you never asked for their predictions. They apologise for not having a lineup of potential suitors for you, as if they're your personal matchmakers. And of course, they can't resist sharing their own disastrous dating stories, as if that's supposed to make you feel better. It's like they have a secret society of bad dates or something. They nod sympathetically, but ‘fear not’, they assure you, ‘love will find you eventually’. Because apparently, being single is just a pit stop on the way to the holy grail of relationships. Who knew?

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We all love getting bombarded with well-intentioned but clueless tips from our friends. Sure, it might not actually be useful in the grand scheme of things, but hey, at least it's harmless entertainment. It's like a never-ending source of amusement for me. But you know what actually fucking sucks: the tidal wave of patronising dating advice that floods the Tik Tok For You Page, where a range of therapists and relationship advisors whose qualifications include, - and are limited to - microphone ownership are spewing the absolute worst advice I’ve ever heard in my life.

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The algorithm is relentless in its quest to shape your attachment style, as if it were bloodthirsty for your emotional vulnerabilities. But let me tell you, my friend, what you'll encounter is far from enlightening. It's a never-ending stream of pressure, urging you to diagnose and analyse your every emotional nuance. Forget about the joy of living in the present moment; now you're expected to have a PhD in self-reflection just to swipe right. You can’t date seriously if you’re ‘still a work in progress’, and you should never date anyone who you think has room for improvements. If you’re a black cat person, you need to find your golden retriever and vice versa. Here’s how to build the perfect dating profile. Here’s my analysis of the last guy’s attempt to build the perfect dating profile, spoiler - he did everything wrong. Your last relationship ended because they realised you’re better than them. You should block him. No you shouldn’t. What does any of it mean????

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And if that wasn't enough, brace yourself for the invasion of the so-called "self-improvement" strategies that have infiltrated every aspect of our lives. It's as if every good thing has been hijacked in the name of "personal growth." I watched a Tiktok where some girl recommended a perfume based on my attachment style (anxious avoidant, thanks for asking).

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I mean, this isn’t a major shock. The whole self-improvement thing is the next big marketing strategy that allows anyone to sell us anything because we’re all desperate to get better. Right now, it seems like everything you do has to be turned into a personal growth project. And of course, the dating realm is no exception. These so-called experts will take your ordinary dating fatigue and twist it into a personal problem. If you're not achieving some mythical level of dating success (whatever that means), they'll point the finger at you. It's all your fault, apparently. You need therapy, or you should send fewer text messages, or who knows what else they'll come up with.
But let's talk about TikTok advice, my friend. It tries to promise certainty in a realm that thrives on uncertainty. Dating is supposed to be a mysterious journey, full of unexpected twists and turns. That's what makes it exciting! Yet here we have these self-proclaimed gurus attempting to provide foolproof formulas for love. It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – it just doesn't work.

Now, let me share a particular video that comes to mind. It features a supposed "dating coach" acting out a breakup scenario between two people with supposedly secure attachment styles. It's so absurd that it feels like it was written by an AI. Brace yourself:

Person A: "I don't want to be with you anymore."

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Person B: "That's okay."

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Person A: "Wait, what?"

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Person B: "Yeah, thanks for telling me. I deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with me. So, this breakup actually makes it easier for me to say goodbye."

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In a world where everyone seems to be talking about therapy, it's mind-boggling that we even have to state the obvious – it's okay to be upset about a breakup.

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Just because you have a secure attachment style doesn't mean you suddenly become impervious to human emotions like being upset by a breakup. It's not like reaching the peak of mental health where you magically transcend normal human experiences. We can't self-improve ourselves out of the very conditions that make us human.

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In our society of self-diagnoses and quick fixes, it's tempting to believe that we're the ones who need fixing according to the latest pop psychology trends. It's easier to blame ourselves than to accept that we can't control how others may hurt us, ignore our messages, or suddenly change their minds after professing their love. But here's the truth: It's not only okay but necessary to be skeptical of those who hurt us. We shouldn't be quick to shoulder the blame. Self-blame, my friend, is the sinister thread that runs through this misguided advice. The idea that we can "fix" ourselves gives us a false sense of control.

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Now, let's dive into another fascinating TikTok gem I stumbled upon. In this video, a woman boldly declares that if you find yourself obsessing over someone, it's not because you genuinely like them or need them. No, no, it's because your own life is apparently mind-numbingly boring. According to her, the reason you can't stop thinking about someone isn't because they have an irresistible allure; it's because your life lacks excitement. Well, isn't that a convenient diagnosis?

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But let's take a moment to laugh at the absurdity of it all. As if our entire existence revolves around this one person, and the sole reason we can't get them out of our heads is because our lives are devoid of any other interests. It's a rather comical oversimplification, isn't it? Life is multifaceted, my friend. We can be preoccupied with someone without it being a reflection of some grand void in our existence. Sometimes, it's just a testament to the complexity of human emotions.

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Tik Tok has a whole list of tips and tricks that aim to turn the intricate dance of romance into a game of ping-pong. But let's be real, dating is more like an exhilarating game of capture the flag, where you’re running on absolutely zero energy and the rules are constantly evolving.

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Yet, TikTok insists on dictating the dos and don'ts of dating with unwavering confidence. They declare, "Thou shalt never text first!" in one video, while another advises, "Thou shalt only reply when thou hast spare time." And of course, there’s always a Judas reminding us of the classic commandment “thou must ghost in order to make him like you”.

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But wait, hold on tight, because the contradictions are about to hit you like a fucking lorry. On one hand, they preach that texting doesn't matter at all, while on the other, they bombard you with a laundry list of text-based sins you must never commit. They tell you to show genuine excitement when you see someone you like, but then whisper in your ear, "No, no, be aloof and mysterious!" And let's not forget the classic gem: if a man dares to touch you on the first date, well, he's obviously not into you. Or so they say. But wait, another voice argues that you should be grateful he didn't make a move. Confused yet? Join the club.

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Hyper-analyzing every text response time will only drain the fun and mystery out of dating. Expecting a relationship's fate to be sealed based on arbitrary signs like how quickly someone replies robs us of any real control and turns the whole experience into a joyless game. Instead, TikTok should be dishing out advice that's a bit more mundane but oh-so-important: learning to embrace the uncertainty that comes with dating.

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Instead of fixating on whether someone is obsessed with you or not, let's ask ourselves some deeper questions. What does it feel like to sit with discomfort? How about allowing things to unfold naturally without forcing someone's infatuation? TikTok's obsession with certainty clashes with the very essence of dating, which thrives on the unpredictability and excitement of the unknown. In the realm of dating, we're constantly exploring uncharted territories, not seeking clear-cut answers.

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Sure, TikTok excels at teaching us about the best Target finds and how to keep our sinks sparkling clean. But when it comes to matters of the heart, there's no magic hack to make someone fall head over heels for you. Difficult emotions, anxiety, sadness, and uncertainty are not just inevitable, they're actually essential ingredients for a fulfilling and meaningful life.

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